Minnie Mouse + Mary-Elizabeth Mastrantonio + Angelina Jolie - any sexual experience = Emmy Rossum… just so you know.

• Kirstie Alley’s Fat Actress is coming, and there’s nothing you can do about it, except welcome her massive haunches into your heart and mind and television set. For she alone will save your soul from eternal damnation. Amen! Also, we bet she RAKES it in after she drops the weight on Jenny Craig. Rakes.

• Britney “What the funk-foot is that shit?!” Spears flies a pink Hummer through the clouds in her nothing-short-of-brilliant new video for Do Somethin’, which she (biting lip) “co-directed.” Like, that’s a wrap, y’all! (brit via stereointment)

• Vogue Editor in Chief and part-time Gawker wet-nurse Ratched Anna Wintour said to have “stirred it up”(HA!) with Bob Marley, according to a new biography. (via gawks)

• Robert Deniro and Martin Scorsese to piss all over themselves with Taxi Driver II.

• Gwyennie Paltrow keeps her Oscar in storage because she says that it reminds her of the toilet bowl that was her career.

• The really real Fantastic Four trailer is up.

• Johnny Carson writes some of Letterman’s jokes. Leno still not funny.

• The new issue of Giant has interviews with Ethan Hawke, Will Arnett(Gob from Arrested Development), Michael Stipe, Jon Polito(C.H.U.D.), Amanda Peet, Kings Of Leon and more.

• Watch Emma “Better Than Ever/I Love The 90’s Part Deux/Baby Spice” Bunton’s steamy new video for her utterly flavorless new track Free Me.

• Sleater Kinney talk tour real good.

• Couple of new Kings Of Leon tourdates down south.

• Stand-up comedian and David Cross co-hort of late Todd Barry brings his funny to The Earl tonight.