“Fabulous” (for reasons unknown) Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Badman -er, rather, Goodman presents the always stunning Carmen Electra with the key to Las Vegas in exchange FOR HER SOUL!!!

• Madonna: Do you like my belt? My belt. My new belt. Do you like my new Belt? Belt, belt, belt, belt, crotch, belt, belt, crotch, crotch, crotch, CROTCH?!?!

• Saved was decent, but for the most part we find Mandy Moore to be so Mandy Bore we think she could probably put herself to sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzz… ing!

• Shaggy and The Pussycat Dolls: When innuendoes collide.

• La Lohan goes all faux strung-out Natalie Imbruglia on us at the Fendi Flagship store opening in New York City. Might she be taking mascara tips from her new littleboylost-friend Jared Leto?

The idea that Tom Cruise actually pretend-dated/possibly interviewed the ridiculously chested Sofia Vergara for the position of wife/unholy-brood-host-organism just keeps getting more and more priceless in the rearview mirror of time. We can only fight back the tears of laughter as we speculate why he ended the relationship. Maybe they didn’t look believable enough together? Naaaaaah. Perhaps he was unprepared for the true size of her ginormous lady lumps, after merely picking her out from a stack of headshots? Mmmm, could be. Or was he physically sickenned by the thought of how often he would have to see those monsters, unhinged, and in their natural state all the time at home? Can’t you just see Tom, running to the toilet, in his scientology pajamas, to heave his brains out after rolling over in bed one morning and coming face to face with that much sheer mammary action. Nicole was more of a proper, boy-figured bird. He liked that. Or, did someone in his inner circle advise him that the past-the-point-of-bodacious-return Vergara was maybe just too, what’s the expression… Spicy Picante for the white-bread American palate to handle? Whatever the reason(s) may be, we sincerely hope that all future journeys into the absurd with the staggeringly dupable Katie Holmes age this well. And, in a related pictorial, Sofia Vergara lugs those things to the Get Rich or Die Trying premiere.

• Pin-up Brit and fiancee to your friend Billy Zane Kelly Brook tried to sue the producers of the movie Three, in which she appears topless for a few seconds, because she thought certain scenes were too explicit, and she didn’t want them to be seen. Needless to say, and lucky for us, it didn’t work. Which brings us to the reason why we’re here. Through the miracle of the internet you can now watch two of at least three of those “explict” barely-boob-filled moments of pure acting gold without paying for them. Enjoy and enjoy. If that’s no good, there’s tons more Kelly Brook here. (nsfw)

• Ashlee Simpson: This makes this even funnier. And vice versa.