Inside the new issue of Premiere magazine (La Lohan graces the cover, natch) is an exquisitely longwinded piece in which Editor-in-Chief Peter Herbst plays matchmaker with the Oscar predictions of Premiere resident film sheriff Glenn Kenny and The Hollywood Reporter deputy film girl Anne Thompson. As expected, it’s all pretty no-fucking-duh, however, until he gets to the subject of Best Picture, or more specifically Grand Canyon, er, rather, Crash. At which point we learn that ol’ Annie Thom-Thom hangs out with a radically different crowd of “people” than we do. Mr. Kenny, ever the gentleman, allows Ms. Thompson the courtesy before -LOOKOUT, GIRLFRIEND!- drop kicking everyone’s favorite emotional Rubick’s Cube of a film into the bitch end of the pool. And, unfortunately, we agree with him -right up to the point where he grabs the first disgraced author he can find, James Frey, and drags him into the salon. (We wouldn’t be caught blue-in-the-lips-OD’d reading some oafish pedestrian’s urine-soaked shammemoir.)

ANNE THOMPSON: All the other contenders have something that people don’t like. Crash reaches inside people’s guts and makes them feel and think -an experience that some have found manipulative and assaultive. Finally, I suspect that movies such as Capote and Munich, although they have their supporters, will fall behind movies that make people feel.

GLENN KENNY: I pray that that simplistic Power- Point-presentation-disguised-as-movie that is Crash gets completely shut out. And I’m not as sanguine as Anne is about “movies that make people feel.” That James Frey book apparently made people feel, too, and it was complete bull. And before it was complete bull it was just poorly written crap.

Again, if you’re looking for this particular issue of Premiere magazine, it’s the one with Lindsay Lohan on the cover, not clutching Yorick’s skull, but in a stunning, red, strapless dress by Bottega Veneta.