Goldenfiddle Hogye 1065-2 correspondent Divad Q. Nead offers up a first-hand account of Wong Kar Wai’s latest film My Blueberry Nights, starring Jude Law, Norah Jones, Natalie Portman, Rachel Weisz and David Strathairn.

You want it to be good, recalling the nineties permutations of Leung Chiu Bai and M. Cheung - now cheaply doppled into Jude (known better as who?) shot on CCTV when he was really just acting. Newcastle to New York, somewhere a bug crawls between the salt and hot sauce and we better understand the hand-over-fist script selections. Minus dialog, this flick drifts into your best cab ride from LES to west 52nd, copping pot for your girl or just loping home drunk. I’d rather the latter than to sit without liquor through this again for money’s worth. Amongst the Asians (you surely knew, Ju-Lee, that WKW mastered the Hong Kong electric sax long before you ever set foot in an art house, no?) And I bought beer for this one. Bored, Norah, do these two dissipate into inflections left out to dry over night or do I have to hang my laundry over your doting? “If my memory of her has an expiration date, let it be 10,000 years” - words not found amongst Strathairn’s mope, or his buddy the bourbon, the cheeseburger check and Weisz. The best of David is his hair, late Presley burns, an unforgiving (forgive us) churl come hither to my liquor cabinet face. I hung my spirits high when he slowly dug himself to sleep in Memphis. Weisz, drives an old, black Jaguar 4.2 Sovereign with pepper-pot wheels, and that’s in real life. If she flipped with Portman, didn’t giggle, I might have suspended my disbelief, as I had in Happy Together, when two men fucking was what I’d call compelling film. It burns Mr. Wong, when you lead us through our own territory, cheating on Yumeji’s Theme with Cooder and a harmonica, yet you best us with a cameo, but she’s Russian, supposedly, we reach for the rewind button but realize we’re in a theater and spit instead. My suggestion box in the office is full of letters to you saying, next go-round, please put Chan on screen and Norah back in her west Texas crib, she can sleep there with her ice cream.