Gossip Hills Stream: So Chuck Bass is shopping in the womens’ dept. of J. Crew, now? We need subtitles when Serena talks. It’s like her mouth hole is made of oatmeal. And everything that comes out of it is worthless and whiny. OMG, how vaguely-asian was Todd?! Nelly Yuki is the new Margaret Yang. Bummer, Asian girls everywhere. Little’s J’s new boyfriend Asher looks like Bob’s Big Boy, all cheeks and dippy smile. Um, why is Nate’s dad in rehab… in Brooklyn? That’s why god made Arizona. Trashenberg is Lohan, right? Don’t think we didn’t see you roll your eyes at Audrina, Lo. We used to love you, but your eat shit and die smirks are pissing. Just leave her alone! She’s the village idiot. It would be one thing if Audrina was mean or did anything to anybody, but she ain’t and she doesn’t, so back the bitch up. Audrina’s like a sweet, harmless, retarded person, for crying out loud! You’re rolling your eyes at a retarded person. Heidi says like one more fucking time and we’re totally cancelling our season pass. The Lauren implosion is imminent. We really, really hope that sex tape leaks. And what does it say about a show 9or America?) when one of the main characters sits alone in a coffee shop pouting and ghost texting the entire time? Seriously. But most importantly: Kelly Cutrone is Shelley Marsh. Think about it.

• Ebert discusses Joe vs. The Volcano, briefly, for inclusion at Ebertfest.

• Scarlett Johansson’s Music Video Confirms: absurd tattoo.

• Yeah, we didn’t want to say anything, but it’s painfully obvious. One of the worst thing’s the new one has going for it. Or against it.

• Is Bill this Meet Bill? Is this happening or not? Does anyone care?

• We had our doubts, but this Julia Allison reality show looks awesome!

• No Tinsley Mortimer? Now THAT makes sense.

• Klimt inspired shoot in BlackBook.

• No Country for Old Men goofs