Bought a 1:20PM ticket to Wall-E but bagged that idea in line for corn syrup after coming to the idiot conclusion that a 1:20PM Wall-E is 100% moms and children under the age of shutting the fuck up in the theater. Soooooo, Wanted starts at 1:30PM… why not. After 15 minutes of TV commercials (IN A FUCKING MOVIE THEATER?!) and 15 minutes of the samesamesamesamesamesamesamesamesamesamesamesamesame action/adventure trailers that have saturated the web for the past year, we were ready to head anywhere and call it a FAIL. Instead we dug in, poured Sour Jacks and Coca-Cola into the hole and rallied. The following quotes speak for us, the only thing original we have to add is:

Thank De Jesus the $10 went to Wall-E.

• “The movie is stuffed with cheap stabs at the post-modern condition that ape Chuck Palahniuk’s drugs, violence and sex-fueled novels (Office drones! Pill-popping! Adultery on Ikea furniture!).” (nyp)

• “But as the body count rises, so does the portentous tone, and the relentlessness of Bekmambetov’s overamped style becomes oppressive.” (nw)

• “Of course, Bekmambetov’s run-and-gun style might be enough to distract you from “Wanted’s” extreme lack of character development. Or its extreme misogyny as it serves up exactly three female stereotypes: the fat disgusting bitch, the lyin’-‘n’-cheatin’ bitch and the smokin’ hot, cold-hearted bitch.” (rj)

• “The most interesting thing about Wanted is that its protagonist is one of the most unlikable action heroes in memory.” (df)

• “Early in the film, during the obligatory “wax on, wax off” training montage that instantly transforms McAvoy from Dudley Dipshit to Carlos the Jackal, it becomes clear that Wanted is polishing a turd.” (ww)

• “Things happen in “Wanted,” but no one cares. You could call that nihilism, but even nihilism requires commitment of a kind and this, by contrast, is a movie built on indifference.” (nyt)

• “Hey, Danny Elfman, my girlfriend dropped an Oingo-Boingo cut on my new compilation, great stuff, now go return Tim Burton’s phone calls, buddy.” (dqn)

• “In other words, WANTED is a massive step back for cinema and, I’d argue, society. It’s mainstreamed cruelty seeking to connect with the Texas Tower Sniper in all of us. “Six weeks ago, I was just like you.” Seriously, if you identify with Wesley Gibson, do the world a favor: get castrated.” (aicn)

But the best review of Wanted, with which we agree on nearly every point, especially: “McAvoy is hilariously miscast as Wesley Gibson,” comes from deep within the comment’s section on Hollywood Elsewhere and Scott Mendelson (comment #9)