The Quote Of The Day: “She tastes like my Turkish father’s ass.”

Oh bravo, Mischa Barton. Hollywood’s richest (and classiest) fat-Elvis impersonator Brandon “It’s worse than AIDS” Davis blames the poor Just My Luck weekend numbers on Lindsay Lohan’s vagina: “Her clitoris is seven feet long.” Niiiiice. That’s one way to kick off a Lohan backlash. This guy makes Fabian Basabe look like Dakota Fanning. To be fair, though, (because Brandon Davis does not deserve all the attention he is going to get for this) the funniest part is the camera man’s truly retarded, ‘tween-age commentary on the Lulop site.

I never know what to expect from Miss Hilton and she is always full of surprises. She is unique and continues to provide me with fantastic material. Plus, I love the fact that she is young and has fun. She is a star and she knows how to do it. There is only one Paris and I really appreciate her!

UPDATE: Here’s another angle, for all you multi-cam enthusiasts.

2ND UPDATE: Uh-oh. Even more La Lohan haterade coming up; While our favorite Hollywood red-top may love her boobs, she most definitely does not care for Bijou Phillips boyfriend Danny Masterson. (Someone is clearly not having the Best Week Ever.) Why she would want to go to Danny “no respect for the way you live your life, no service” Masterpants’ weekly jazz night is waaaaaay beyond us, anyway.

• Guess who the highest paid actor in the world is. Guess again. again. again. And again. again… Smokey.

• Mandy Moore is in rehab… See how easy that was?

• Action guy Bruce Willis, 50, finds time in his busy schedule (guy’s got a lot of smirking to do) to bang yet another 20-something (at best), 97-pound, foreign, supermodel co-star. This time around her name is Tamara Feldman, and she plays -get this- a “naughty french maid” in the upcoming Cousin Larry-less Perfect Stranger.

• Nicole Kidman feels the ni-cold wind of a world’s indifference blow through her wiry, grandmother-like hair.

• Kevin “Boba” Federline (who is really changing up his look here) continues to fill the barrel with fish.

• Dave Navarro (you know, of Panic Channel) is not gay. He’s knows this because he had sex with a whole bunch of guys in the early nineties and was totally not into it.

• The DaVinci Code Not So Codey: “It’s not that deep. In fact, it’s not that good. In fact, it’s kind of plodding. In fact…”

• According to the un-copy & pasteable production weekly, Irish & Scottish furry, booze-hooligans Colin Farrell and Ewan McGregor are set to do a tag team Woody Allen impersonation in the Match Point director’s less-than-excitingly working-titled “Summer 2006 Project.” The lead female role has not been cast yet, but we’re going to go with Maxim magazine’s 2006 Sexiest Poor-Man’s-Vanessa Marcil, Eva Longoria. Or Krista Allen. She likes (much) older guys, and Woody can smell that shit. Anywho, you heard it hear first, bitches!!! LOL!!!!! Winking and smiley-faced emoticon!

• Hot Gossip: David Schwim- oh, who are we kidding- ROSS drinks wine (in baseball cap!) with male companion!!! (second item)

• The trailer for Oliver Stone’s World Trade Center lays it on pretty thick. Nicolas Cage’s accent, that is.

• American Pie “star” Shannon Elizabeth can’t even get a decent role in a TMZ video.

• South Park Tom Cruise/Scientology “Trapped In A Closet” episode airs in the UK without Thetan terror attack.

• Bernie Mac Rule #1: You party on fun-lovin’ Bernie Mac’s tab without fun-lovin’ Bernie Mac, and Bernie Mac is going to be less than fun-lovin’ on your ass.

• Little James Jessica Wilke Parker Bueller Broderick wonders why he must wear such gay-ass shoes.

My, what a big Florida you have there, Superman.

• Late for your pimp? Overdose again last night? Wake up in some back alley in a pool of your own filth? Can’t catch a cab because you’re a bad tranny? Hey man, just cool it down alright? My man Lou Reed has your sweet fix: A Honda Scooter, man.

• Razorlight vs. Arctic Monkeys: That reminds us, did we mention that Nicole Kidman got engaged recently?

• Still can’t get enough of that one CD from the last double CD offering from the Foo Fighters? Of course you can, but that ain’t gonna stop the one chord rockers from doing an acoustic tour.

• Beatle McCartney and “Hop Along” Mills split, blame public. Oh, so it’s our fault? Okay, we can live with that.

• Two new New York Dolls songs, from the upcoming album One Day It Will Please Us To Remember Even This (due on July 25) “Take a Good Look at My Good Looks” and “Dance like a Monkey” have been posted online Road Runner Records’ website.

• Pitchfork scribe Will Dukes awards five indie-rock stars to the new (Atlanta native) T.I. track “King Back.”

• You Ain’t No Picasso, with a little help from Frank Chromewaves, digs up the Glands-y new Yo La Tengo track “Bean Bag Chair.”

• Welcome to the party, Eric Clapton: “From just listening I can’t tell the difference between Coldplay and U2. The one in Coldplay even dances like Bono.”

• Bruce Willis and Goldfrapp on Letterman tonight. Leno has Patricia Heaton, Larry The Cable Goon and Wicked Wisdom. So, it’s up to you.

• Trip Girl Pamela Panechelli (nsfw) and The Boy Fernando Casarin (sfw)