Number of pictures taken of Jennifer Aniston at the The Break-Up premiere: 2000. Number of pictures taken of Vince Vaughn at the The Break-Up premiere: 1000. Number of pictures taken of Joey Lauren Adams at the The Break-Up premiere: 2, by accident.

• Hmmm, wonder what Debra Messing’s been up to since Will & Grace was euthanized? (last item)

• Another reason to not see X3.

• The only person that finds Brandon Davis funny, Paris Hilton, was reportedly paid $200,000 for merely showing up and waving at an event in Cannes over the weekend. The herpes was free of charge.

• More sub-par bullshit Enquirer stories for the 4 people still left on earth that care about the Jessica Simpson/Kristin Cavallari War of 2006.

• Tommy Hilfiger bitch Axl Rose will finally get a chance to make sense of all those pesky immigrants, faggots, police, and niggers up close and personal when he moves to NYC after Guns N’ Roses finishes their summer tour.

• Best Actress: Two words we never thought we’d live to see preceded by the two words: Penelope Cruz. Although, Jeffery Wells says that Alejamndro Gonzalez Innaritu’s Babel (Brad Pitt’s in it!) is for sure taking the Palmes D’Or.

• Despite being Prime grade USDA lame herself, Mischa Barton says that she left the sunny, shitcom shores of The OC so as not to become the victim of, “one of those lame farewells.”

• Veneers Rodriguez gets 60 more days in jail. Which, really, shouldn’t be any big thing for her considering how cool her first stint in the big house was.

  It was so cool. I love people, and it was a primal crew. The only thing that keeps them going is fighting for salt and making dice out of soap. It was an amazing experience. I wouldn’t take it back for anything. I have a really good belief in destiny. It’s, like, if I’m gonna be killed in there, I’m gonna be killed in there. But people were cool. I represent the people, you know what I mean? If somebody picks on me, they’ll get what’s coming. I didn’t have to handle myself is what I’m saying. I had love in there. People got where I’m coming from.

• Thank you. Okay. Yes. They’re very nice. Yes, we all know you’re very proud of them. Now please, stop showing off your enormous cankles, Jennifer Love Hewitt.

• Welcome to The Dollhouse nerd-king director Todd Solondz describes his new film The New Todd Solondz Film as, “a sequel.” Sounds controversial!

• More saucey scoop from Cannes on writer/director John Cameron Mitchell’s (Hedwig and the Angry Inch) un-simulated sex-filled Shortbus:

  Audiences doubled over in laughter during one scene in which three men perform oral sex on each other while singing a rousing version of the U.S. national anthem, “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

• Film Threat gets an interview with the man who knows exactly how many nipples Gwynnie has exposed (and in what movies) Mr. Skin.

And after helping her off the jungle-gym, Dov Blarney had sex with the girl on his Italian leather sofa.

• Kingblind’s Top 10 songs of the summer.

• Spunky punk ratette Avril Lavigne (who has two more movies coming up, Fast Food Nation with Patricia Arquette and The Flock with Richard Gere) struggled with the overwhelming actorly challenge of reading lines into a microphone for the animated flick Over The Hedge.

• Running With Scissors author Augusten Burroughs (BONUS: go to the “FILM/TV” page to see the trailer for Running With Scissors) reads from his latest collection of essays Possible Side Effects and signs titties at Outwrite Bookstore & Coffeehouse tonight at 8pm.

One of the best things about Magical Thinking is the essay titles, such as “Holy Blow Job,” “Cunnilingusville,” and “Ass Burger”—which comes first, the title or the essay?

The essay always comes first. The titles come later and they are torture for me. Some authors are very good at thinking of titles. I feel I am horrible at it and I just end up giving up.

(via gothamist)

• Scott Evil, Lee Evans, and Atmosphere on Conan tonight.