Just when you thought The Church of Scientology couldn’t get any funnier… NASCAR. (video) The best line of the whole article has to be:

Yes, and it’s also the weirdest sponsorship since Boudreaux’s Butt Paste, the diaper-rash cream that began sponsoring a Busch Series car in 2005.

• Jeremy Piven and Stephen Dorff finally meet for the first time for the last time where else? Waiting in the cocaine bathroom line at some night club, duh!

• Cameron Diaz: And she’s crazy too!

• Awwwwwww, Baby’s first war!!! And all the hot, steamy, red-shoe, literate, pig-tail-pulling love letters that go along with it.

• Fans of one-minute Wedding Crashers star and Playboy cover girl Diora Baird rejoice! The pneumatic strawberry blonde will (most likely) be turned into vienna sausage in the new The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, but not before she runs around for the first act in a tight top. Too bad you’re not old enough to watch the trailer. (a gift)

• Academy Award presenter Jessica Alba has signed on to star in Bill, a comedy (we’ll be the judge of that) about “a guy fed up with his job and married to a cheating wife reluctantly who mentors a rebellious teen.” Sounds like the next Waterboy! Aaron Eckhart, Elizabeth Banks, Timothy Olyphant, and Amanda Peet co-star. (via variety)

• According to JoBlo, the poster for John Tucker Must Die (which is slightly reminiscent of Charlie’s Angel’s: Uden Haemninger) is the only thing the movie has going for it.

• Ashlee & Jessica Simpson: Way back in the pre-op, old days. Oh, how things do change. (via theapt)

• Sell: We just unloaded all our Ginnifer Goodwin stock. What a pity.

• Hellboy 2 moving forward with or without a budget… or a a studio.

• Laurence Fishburne to be embarrassed all over again. Yay!!!

• Elisha Cuthbert needs a light. and some sleep. (via cuthieswideshut)

• Britney hits the gym. Better absurdly late and preggo than never?

• Nicole Richie spills expensive bottled water all over the paparazzi.

• Bijou Phillips leaves Danny Masterson at home. Phew.

• Normally when a crowd is this loud at the beginning it means the recording is going to suck, but this Interpol show sounds pretty decent.

• Heather Mills McCartney: We’ve got to admit this story’s getting better, a little better all the time.

• Russian Tori Regina Spektor made a Windows and Quicktime version of her new video for “Samson.” That was so sweet of her!

• Les Claypool & Trey Anastasio decide they would like to do some more drugs together sometime in the very near future.

• Missions of Burma talks to Popmatters about The Obliterati.

• Paste talks to Built To Spill’s Doug Martsch about the band’s attention to micromanagement.

• Christina Aguilera’s upcoming album Back to Basics is going to be a double-disc-er. So hot right now, double discs. (via rollingstone)

• Missed this newish Vines video for “Anysound”. It’s kind of yawny. Thought for sure they were going to destroy their gear at the end.

• Tonight I’m gonna rock you, tonight I’m gonna rock you, tonight: TV on the Radio opens for Bauhaus who open for Nine Inch Nails at Hifi Buys Lakewood Ampitheater and Cex (Actual Fucking) and the Psychic Hearts play the Drunken Unicorn.

• The Simple Life: Oh, but aint that America?

• The Mac Mini-based DeLorean drivable drive-in.

• RIP: Billy Preston