Don’t look now, but Gwyneth Paltrow is standing right behind you.

• Jack Nicholson calls the hours between two and four in the morning his “ass-scratching hours.” Note to selves, buy new Jack Nicholson issue of Rolling Stone magazine, tell no one.

• It’s official: Angelina Jolie is still way hotter than Jennifer Aniston.

• The Paris Hilton Tapes: Go. Listen. Now.

• 300 is going to make Gladiator look like Elizabethtown.

And Cuthbert goes bob.

• Dear Randy Barbato, Nice fucking name. Now, onto your question. So why is Oprah “weird with the gays,” you ask? Because she’s gay?

• According to this guy, Britney Spears really likes whore heels. Way to go, Sherlock. You really cracked the code on that one, McGarnickle.

• Studio 60 is good. Defaker is bad. Shame on you, NBC.

The pimp, the chump, and the sister.

• Paparazzi attempts to run down mysterious Potatohead/Elephant-man creature, turns out to be Justin Timberlake’s surfing buddy.

• Sony Picture Classics picks up Paul Verhoeven’s (Showgirls, Basic Instinct) Black Book, the story of a Jewish cabaret singer that goes into hiding in the Netherlands and joins the Resistance movement against the Nazis… Wait. That can’t be right.

Oh, shut the fuck up, Emmy Rossum.

• A blogger who acted on g4’s X-play totally goes off on Morgan Webb and Adam Sessler. According to the person who sent us this link, “It’s really funny.” Speaking of g4, they interviewed king of the douche people Jared Leto (twice), and he thinks all bloggers should die. Have a taste…

G4: Do you do a lot of blogging from the road?

JARED: No, I think that blogging should die a sudden death.

G4: Why?

JARED: It’s just ridiculous. It’s like a playground for four-year-olds. People say and do things in the world of blogs that they would never do in real life, and I think it’s a false experience. You know, it’s, like, eating too much candy.

G4: So you don’t read alot of the celebrity gossip blogs, I take it?

JARED: Well, you know, one of the things along those lines that bothers me about when people start citing blogs as news sources. That when people are writing on these blogs, they feel like they don’t feel they need to do any research or back up their opinions with facts or anything, you know what I mean?

G4: Why is there this inherent lack of responsibility when it comes to blogging as journalism?

JARED: I couldn’t tell you. Times have changed. It used to be, to be a writer you had to have experience and talent, and learn a craft. Now anybody with an opinion, which is anyone and everyone, feels that it’s worthy. Technology is allowing people to have access to things where before it required very great skill. So there will be some interesting developments from that, and also some things that are pretty worthless. Pretty soon anybody with a cell phone is going to be able to be a news reporter.The blog is yesterday’s parachute pants. It’s here now but it’s gone tomorrow.

Yesterday’s parachute pants, here now but gone tomorrow? How can that work? If it’s already yesterday’s then how can it be here now? And if it’s gone tomorrow then, oh nevermind!

• Spoon crooner Brit Daniels is scoring the new Will Ferrell flick Stranger that Fiction with original instrumental tracks and previously released Spoon tunes.

Big Love star Chloe Sevigny forgets to pluck her eyebrows.

• Watch the Dexter (new series on Showtime) pilot online. The password is “Sneak Peek.” (via bigscreen)

• SNL fires unfunny cast members. Global warming continues to not really happen.

• London Bridge: Let us get this straight; So, what you’re saying is… you’re a 4-way meth whore?

This is Natasha Gilbert. More on that later.

• Nouvelle Vague (with special guests The Submarines) plays The Variety Playhouse, tonight.

Kate Moss made a fashion mistake, and you’re going to pay for it.

• The Office season premiere is tonight at 8:30/7:30c on NBC.

• That Pine tree can draw better than you can.

• The Stony Awards: Where Steve Carell gets his chronic.