How To Spot A Bullshit Story, Rule #1: The British press get to it first. Shame on you, blogosphere, for believing that this genius gives a dead rat’s asshole about some hair in the gate like Lindsay Lohan.

• Scarlett Johansson and Mark “Largemouth Bass” Wahlberg?! Face it, the pictures don’t lie. They don’t! They can’t. Pictures NEVER lie… ever. In a related story: Um, Amazon? Leather bikini? Huzzah!!!

• Diddy & Sienna: The most powerless couple the world has ever seen! In a related story: We agree. Now, if only you believed everything you said, Miss Moustache.

• Lost’s Josh Holloway: Oh, no. Not another Mel Gibson. And with such perfect, not-in-the-least-bit-gay stubble, to boot!

• Fab & Drew: Who dumped who? Who dumped who? Who dumped who, ain’t nobody told you?

• Garry Shandling talks to The New York Times about Garry Shandling.

• Brian “Dr. Nelson Guggenheim” Cox hits back at his lothario reputaton with an emaciated, Russian supermodel.

• Flickskinny sit through Narc pussy Joe Carnahan’s limp Pulp Fiction retread Smokin Aces and can only wonder, “Where’s the motivation?”

• 5 reasons Little Miss Sunshine will win (ugh) Best Picture. (via jwells)

• Bugmaster Review: Don’t argue, just read it.

• Top Chef spoiler. You know you so want to click on it. (via defamer)

• That’s right, Brooke Burke. It’s time to shake off off that baby weight and get that Burger King-lovin’ beach body back, baby!

• So that’s what a (Spiderman 3) “Interactive Green Goblin” Looks like. we always thought it would have more of a Latino flavor. (More toys)

It’s official: Sting, his new nose, and rest of The Police will play the Grammys. (or not, “Because Stewart’s not always available.”) If this is the sort of thing you care deeply about, then maybe you would like to help this guy figure out what flavor chocolate Sting should be.

• Sample Avril Lavigne lyric from the upcoming album The Best Damn Thing: “She’s like, so whatever / you could do so much better.” That’s our Avril.

• The Flaming Lips and Whitestarr we can see, but Dean & Britta? Honey Bunny, c’mon!

• The Shins talk to Rolling Stone about their cover shoot. Rolling Stone doesn’t talk back.

• Quick!!! Everybody go get the new Deerhunter disc, Cryptograms!!!

• Curly Stroke Albert Hammond Jr. will play the Roxy Theatre in Buckhead, un-Incubused, March 17th.

• Athens popsters King Of Prussia release debut album Save The Scene. Only a handful of Phish fans confused.

• What’s the difference between Paste Magazine and a bucket of shit?

• The full contents of parisexposed Like you haven’t already seen ‘em. In a related story, we were unaware you could sue for being an idiot.

• The Girl(s): Caroline Leal and Amanda Muller.

• Gemma Ward has finally forgiven John Galliano for making act like a model. Pheeew!!! Somebody’s going to sleep easy tonight.

• Diane “Nightmare” Keaton, Ivanka “Sweater-Meat” Trump, and The Soweto Gospel Choir? Damn you, Leno!

• David Cross… not Bob Dylan.

• 1989 Nike Air Lava Dome High, size 7. dammit.

• Speaking of lava dome.