Roses Are Plastic, More Redheads, And Grindhouse For Sale
In this month’s issue of Black Book the person we no longer recognize as Rose McGowan talks about her suspiciously kooky (on the verge of corny) upbringing, interests, philosophies, peeves, diet, and whatever else. You can read the article in its entirety HERE, but trust us, you’ll just want those fifteen minutes back and that horrible taste out of your brain.
There was a time, not long- well, we guess it was a long time ago, that we really cared for Rose McGowan. She was a modern dame, an acidic pin-up. She would have made a great Mrs. Mia Wallace.
Harvey says he’s “disappointed” by the weekend grosses. We saw Grindhouse, and we’re not! We’re fucking elated. We hope Tarantino gets the message, which is: WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK. MAKE GOOD MOVIES INSTEAD. How delusional are they to wonder why the masses failed to show up to a unabridged, crappy, cliffnotes version of an entire shit genre? Think about it. Who the fuck cares, or can afford to care, or has the time to care about grindhouse movies except Quentin Tarantino?
Robert Rodriguez is the Rachel Ray of directors. Nothing he does is new or interesting. But it tastes okay when you’re hungover, stoned, or have nothing else to eat. So the world needs Robert Rodriguezes and the world needs sewers. Planet Terror was the success of the two films, however, only because Rodriguez is a natural grindhouse director. Which is to say he sucks, bad, naturally. And in an ironic twister, Quentin Tarantino, the actor, ended up ruining Death Proof for us. Well, that, and his boring lot of broken-faced, shit actress nobodies* imitating Quentin Tarantino…
(You know how every Woody Allen movie has a Woody Allen character in it, even if Woody Allen isn’t playing him? Well that’s the way every single character is in Death Proof. They’re ALL playing Quentin Tarantino, including Quentin Tarantino! and, frankly, Quentin Tarantino talks too much.)
…And the script. If you can call it that. It’s more like Tarantino writing his own future spank material. Every time he appears on screen it’s like when they turn the house lights on after a Phish concert. All of a sudden everybody is way too real, and way too creepy, and you just want to get the fuck out of there. In essence, Quentin Tarantino kills the boner we have for Quentin Tarantino movies. He’s his own worst enemy.
During one of the very long and dull conversations (that Quentin Tarantino -a DUDE- wrote(!!!) for girls!!! OH, JERK OFF!!!), between BLANK and BLANK, we lost concentration on the movie so completely that we considered walking out and asking for our money back. We resisted, for unknown reasons, but moments later, there was the overwhelming urge to throw our mostly full, extra-large, small Coca-Cola at the movie screen. The syrupy, sugar water splattered all over his movie. The drip. The stain. The sticky floor. The three other people fast asleep in the theater. How fucking 70’s “grindhouse” would that have been?
- Actually, Rosario Dawson was pretty good, for once.
Totes agree with the Woody Allen line, especially when the characters start emulating his spazzy hand gestures.
He’ll likely go out like Woody riding the fumes of his reputation while no longer delivering the goods.
McGowan still has a great ass if its anything like what is on RS.
why can’t these guys get past the 70s. even rap videos stopped with the homages while clinton was still in office.
Kurt Russell now 0 for 2.
Great take, even though I disagree a smidge. Death Proof succeeded for this viewer despite its’ multitude of flaws. Sure, all of the dialogue in the second half was a retread of all the dialogue from every other Tarantino movie (including the first half of “D.P.”), but I thought QT nailed the grindhouse mood pitch perfect and showed some real gusto with the car chase. And with the addition of this film to his ouevre, there’s no denying that he overtook Scorsese as the best ever at using music to set mood/tone. Yes, there were missed opportunities that become even more glaring with the benefit of hindsight, but I’m FERREAL when I say I haven’t had this much fun at the movies in a long time.
the car chase was awesome, but the dialogue was like charlie brown’s parents after 5 minutes. the music was tops, agreed. and the fake trailers and “coming attractions” were kind of fun, too. eli roth’s thanksgiving was my favorite. zombie’s werewolves was lackluster.
I’ve been hearing that its an hour too long but that Q’s soundtrack kills as usual. He should focus Morricone on the music end of films and less with the writing/directing.
she take on whackjob bette davis or eccentric carol kane-ish roles with that new face of hers…so she’s got that going for her.
I knew the thing about an open door sucking you out of the plane was a myth!
Harper Lee in the HOOUUUUSSSSEEEE!!!!!
in case of emergency you could eat the ferrero rochers off her shirt.
ok, done now.
Agreed 169% but I’ll go see it anyway.
Rose was on the View bitching about evil commenters on the internet.
I wonder how many of the middle aged women in the audience knew that she had an on set affair with her married director?
What a selfish bitch! oh my bad…i’m so evil for saying that.
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you nailed on it with your comments for Death Proof. All those women talked like him. I did like the female stand in for Samuel L. Jackson - she had it down. Also, I was shocked that there was a lot of talking at a dinner in a Tarantino movie. That was innovative.