BREAKING: Butterscotch Stallion Owen Wilson OD’s, er, dehydrates on some serious shit, currently rehydrating amongst Police and attorneys. So, eat it, Winehouse. (Make sure he gets enough skim milk!)

UPDATE: SUICIDE ATTEMPT?!?! “According to the report, a family member discovered Wilson with a sliced left wrist. He also allegedly took an unknown quantity of pills.” (The Enquirer, Star, grain of salt)

Ethel: How’re you feeling?
Richie: Fine, thanks.
Ethel: Are you in any pain?
Richie: Not really.
Chas: Why’d you try to kill yourself?

UPDATE: “Good condition…” for just having tried to kill himself.

UPDATE: “I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time.” You got it, Stallion. All the best, and please, get well soon. [Ed. note: Sad, undoubtedly, but if Owen Wilson can’t make it, then what hope is there for any of us? To say this guy has it all is an aristocrats-size joke.]

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• Anna Nicole Smith Outtakes Reel: You can almost hear her brain straining. So painful. So hysterical. So brick dumb.

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• Kristen Bell, Veronica Mars, Heroes, I love nerds, blah, blah, blah.

• Brody Jenner sprains his vagina checking himself out in the mirror.

• Sleeping Lessons: New video from The Shins. It’s JV Jeremy Blake for the “You Only Live Once” 2001 set.

• Billy Corgan: “There’s something about a girl who’s willing to take her top off so quickly. American girls are sluts, too.”

• Letterman has Susan Sarandon and Feist on Monday night.

• Neil Young & Crazy Horse are going on tour.

• Keeley goes outside, forgets her clothes. (NSFW)

• LOL: Crazy Captions!!!

• Photobombing a city.