Le Cirque Du Sexy Päntéez Show!!!
Hmmmmmm, sure doesn’t look TV-14, so far.
That kid has been airbrushed onto her back. Not even kidding.
Mandy Patinkin arrives. Oh, yeah. This is going to be A-List all the way.
Can’t really fault the guy. We do the same thing at big concerts. Too busy looking at the screen and not what’s right in front of us.
Seal, back from dropping some time code off at the pool.
Seriously, her mouth is getting bigger. If that’s even possible.
You can almost see his fantasy in progress. Retch.
Michael Bay (top left), always in the mood for a pointless spectacle… Nice to see you, again, Stavros (top right). And
Dean Cain is in there somewhere, too. Not being super at all.
Victoria’s Secret models, known for their graceful dismounts.
“I can’t believe how well you walk.” Her actual words.
Best line of the whole night, Heidi: “Hi, Y’all.” (in faux-Britney accent)
Not a supermodel.
Not nearly enough Candice Swanepoel. Not nearly.
Bet that’s not a creepy story.
A dead homeless guy could put together a better porno set.
Lo? Are you fucking kidding? Eh, Whitney probably had better things to do. Like, anything but watch gene freaks parade their waxes.
The Super-Cadaver look. Not good.
Could he/she be any less excited about the project?
She’s a tall drink! Really though, how full of Xanax do you think she is?
Another lady-like dismount.
EXACTLY what we think of when we think Cowgirl.
What year is it?
Ebony and Germany go together in perfect harmony.
That is one high contrast couple.
Funny thing is, the sad hags look better now than they ever did in the 90’s. Or was it the 60’s?
OMG, we love laundry, too!!!
Carine Roitfield stabs Eva Longoria with her dagger man-eyes. Seacrest so sleepy. Past bedtime. Must stay up long enough to bang Longoria, though. Must stay up. Must stay up. Must stzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Your favorite word: Panties.
Ooooooooooooooh, we get it, now.
Ken Paves (front row), sans Retard. For once.
Woah, who let the normal girl in?
The new Marisa Miller Jog Bra.
Let’s get it up for Magritte!!!
Backstage: Pouting, adjusting, and fluffing.
GET IT UP FOR MAN RAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
Smile, bitch.
That’s so funny, Bob Dylan said the same thing about you, Adriana.
Worst lip-synching since… Heidi.
Guess who’s too young to remember that classic Spice Girls move!
“You can hang me on your tree.” Second best line of the night.
“Jeremy Piven, please stop pleasuring yourself!”
We’re just going to enjoy this moment…
… Still enjoying.
“Everyone says you’re amazing now that you’re clean.” Ew?
See, the backstage dance party should be on the runway right now.
What? No. Don’t go. You just got here!
Better luck next year, ornaments.
“WE’RE SOOOOOOO PERFECT!!!” “NO, YOU!!!”
And let’s end on a classy note.
Ebony and Germany. Dying. Just who does Eva Longoria think she is? Miranda is definitely the prettiest.
the one tall one: alexis arquette.
after Seal left the stage what was left for NPH to see? “how I lost my boner”
you could also caption the jeremy piven picture “mr. Splashy pants”
this has got to be one of the most surreal events of the year.
Mandy Patinkin might be doing crowd control in that picture.
This is the only time of year that Paves can get away. When Retard gets distracted by all the pretty Christmas colors and lights.
at least there was no time spent on the Seal bike shorts story. that story was huge a few weeks ago, the celeb rosetta stone that finally explained it all.
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love it!! classic post. Lo is thinking that she’d like to be an angel when she grows up.