goldenfiddle

Spoiled

Sex and the City

Adolescent Elephant Walk

Tokyo Police Club’s long-awaited LP Elephant Shell stumbles short of The Strokes meets Grandaddy mark of brilliance we were pining for these past few months. After much MP3 wear & tear, we find it to be more a scattered handful of coruscating minor stones. The lines are present, unfortunately, they’re buried under some less-than-memorable language. Songs begin nervous, spoken-worded, only to burst blood vessels a full 30 seconds later. Why not lose the candle-lit prologues and begin with electricity? (Don’t feel you have to get back to us on that point.) Despite the clouds, “In A Cave,” “Tessellate,” “Your English Is Good,” “Juno,” and “Graves” are as polished as anything off A Lesson In Crime and will be welcomed warmly in a live setting.

Not!

Playboy Playmate (94), Penthouse Pet of The Year (04), attorney, clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and former goodwill ambassador Victoria Zdrok was on Tyra the other day. The episode was devoted to freaky sex shit. “Dr. Z” was the official sexpert on hand to explain all the icky ins and outs to the daytime ding-dongs. Only problem, the shit was neither freaky or sex. One girl likes to wear diapers. Yawn. A guy likes to be stepped on by girls in heels. Zzzzzzzz. And in case you’re wondering, at the start of the show Tyra points out that people in the audience are wearing signs that indicate the craziest place they’ve “done it.” After much bally-hoo Tyra reveals the craziest place she’s done it is… (lemme guess, the runway?) THE RUNWAY!!!! One minute later, for no apparent reason, she whips out another sticker that reads NOT! Haha!!!! Joke’s on you, audience!!! I made you wear your deep dark sex secret on your shirt for all of America to see! But not me! I lied! I tricked you!!! For no fucking reason! Haha, stupid audience! I don’t have to tell you shit! I flail around and make noises instead of using words!!! I’m Ty motherfuckin’ Ty Baby, bitches!!!

Blockbusted

“Oh, look! We’re in the comedy section!”

Buysexual

• Tila Tequila in Blender

So That's How It Is Their Family

Apple trailer

IFC trailer

GATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AP: The president and the bride picked “You Are So Beautiful” for their father-daughter dance, according to band leader Tyrone Smith of Nashville, Tenn. Smith and his 10-piece party band, The Tyrone Smith Revue, was asked to do “Lovin’ in My Baby’s Eyes” by Taj Mahal for the newlyweds’ first dance. Smith promised the couple a “get down” party.

• [ED. note: Jenna Bush + Henry Hager = Jenna Hager = Jager]

• BaCongratulations, BaJenna BaBush!

Six 4 Minutes Remixes

(click on pic)

Stax

Somebody get this woman some sax!!!

• Anistrot: Absolutely nothing to do with Jennifer Aniston or horses.

• Deeply confused Glamour model Keeley Hazell talks to the Guardian about being patronized by guys who want to see her boobs.

• Stax O’ Wax: “Vinyl sharity - soundtracks, lounge, exotica, easy-listening, celebrity vocals, and all sorts of groovy sounds from my personal collection!”

• Vice: Megan on Shot by Kern, part 1 (nsfw)

• Last Night’s Party: Chocolate Rain.

House Of Cards

We saw the Apple Matrix Group (rhymes with Shmadioshmead) this evening. They were excellent (and jovial!), and we highly recommend that you get a ticket. The stage setup is their Wachowskiest, yet. Our most favorite aural orgasm moment: the drum roll cymbal crash 2 minutes and 41 seconds into “Bodysnatchers.” Fffffffffffpower.

• setlist

Bush

Josh Brolin as George W. Bush in Oliver Stone’s W. (click on pic)

Top Shelf

Padma… Come. On. Herve Leger? And red?! Alright, maroon. Anyway, that is not appropriate for a regular people wedding*. Show the bride (and groom) a little mercy! What are we supposed to say? At least it wasn’t see-though? It’s a goddamn underpants tightener… Ours. We know you’re not wearing any. Ooooooooouch!

*For the internet, however, it’s totally not inappropriate enough.

• Wonder if John Mayer’s rich enough to date Padma, yet. Yeah.